This won't hurt one bit

Partially friends-only. Depends on your interest in the juicy bits.

ok, day 1

it's -9 degrees outside right now. am I leaving my room today? ever? NOPE!!!!!

brains on a brick wall
when gender bombs they fall
the sordid way her loaded phrases infiltrate your skull

the images are strong
impulses are strong
and logic will break your heart forever
be brave

massive suicide dreams
the feel long and warm
the girl will school you
the girl will...

could this be the gaining force
of ten loves in a row
drunken sunday evenings
will just be innuendos

massive suicide dreams
that feel long and warm
the girl will school you
the girl will school you
the girl will school you
the girl will school you
the girl will school you
the girl will school you
the girl will school you
the girl will school you
the girl will school you
the girl will school you

Well since I come home,
Well my body's been a mess,
And I miss your tender hair,
And the way you like to dress.
Oh wont you come on over,
Stop making a fool out of meeeeee,
Oh why dont you come on over,
Valerieeeeeeee

SO CATCHY!!!!

props for self-mockery dude.

They read parts of my article on my favorite radio station just now! Very cool.

you guys should totally read it. And I totally have a new blogcrush haha.

“Excerpts from a Dog’s Twitter”

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

“Excerpts from a Cat’s Twitter”

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now…

(TBH print ads with airbrushed/photoshoped super perfect models have never bothered me. I've never seen them as people supposedly representing "real" beauty. I believe these models are more of a fantasy and therefore cannot understand how woman feel pressured to compare themselves to them/aspire to be like them. I mean, when we look at the chick from Aladdin or Snow White are we all like, OMG I'M FATTER AND BIGGER THAN A CARTOON CHARACTER, I HATE MYSELF! In many cases, those models are actually kind of repulsive, all skin and bones and shit. For me, woman who feel pressured have either got a warped sense of reality and require counseling or are just plain stupid. So what's all this "campaigning for real beauty"? I wish people would stop blaming the media already. Do we really want ugly people on billboards? How about the men? Aren't they super duper photoshopped as well? I donno man. I'm not completely into the whole message but the video is interesting.)

Rihanna's "Shut Up and Drive" is awesome. I suppose sampling "Blue Monday" can do no wrong (right Nouvelle Vague?) But there's this part of the song that really reminds me of another song, and I can't fucking place it! It's driving me crazy.

It's this part:
So if you feel it let me know, know, know.
Come on now what you´re waiting for, for, for.
My engine's ready to explode, explode, explode.
So start me up and watch me go, go, go

I know it's a female singer... probably a group... it's more the repetition at the end, though. SO FAMILIAR! What is it? Help!

Btw, if it were up to me, it would top the charts. Love the Goldfrapp feel.

Nelly Futado's "Maneater."

Though I admit, the big hands were a little creepy.

It's their best album to date. I'm terribly proud of them. Fantastic work, guys. I've long given up holding on the chance that they'd ever return to their acousticy/rock sound (what I still prefer... I guess I don't change very much) but this really is as good as they get. They've wanted to be all electronic since So Jealous... so yeah, that hasn't changed.

But I gotta say, I was totally blown away by "Are You 10 Years Ago"... the drumline!!!! It was so fucking Peaches/Le Tigre.... with such great, great potential. I honestly thing they have something going on big time if they stick to that. They seriously sound really, really good. And it's totally my favourite song. That and "Hop a Plane" is totally infectious (and Tegan sounds extra sexy there for some reason... although the line "I felt you in my legs before I ever met you" in "Nineteen" takes the cake for bringing teh sexy back)

I also like "Knife Going In" a lot because its different. In a good way.

The album hasn't killed me, though. They haven't killed me since If It Was You, which is fine I guess. I like them cause they're my favourite band in the world, and will always be thanks to the first 3 albums they released. They were the most lyrically and aurally powerful albums I'd ever heard at that point. So basically, they'll always stay incredibly special in my heart for that. (Though, then again, those albums were panned by a lot of critics... so not liking much on my part might equate to greatness, perhaps?)

Other than that, I don't expect much. I don't think they can ever top the ridiculously catchy anthems of yore such as "Living Room," "Monday Monday Monday" or even friggin "Frozen." They used to write the hits I fantasized about. And now, they don't. But It's okay. In terms of quality, this is amazing. Complex tracks with a hell of a lot of effort in, and really a whole lot more going on. These songs are layered, harder to figure out No more kids fooling around with powerchords on their guitars (I know, they haven't done that for a while. Still) They're pros. I hope they break into more mainstream acclaim/success with this. They deserve it.

I hope repeated listens would make me fall in love.

OMG OMG OMG

THE CON IS DOWNLOADING!!!!!!! I WILL HAVE IN THE NEXT HALF AN HOUR. I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED, I FEEL LIKE THROWING UP. HOLY SHIT, SON.... HAPPIEST MUSIC DAY OF THE YEAR!!!!!!!!!

My invite for tomorrow's press assignment went something like this, "We invite the media to meet 80s new wave icons, Spandau Ballet, Go West and ABC who are in town for an 80s revival concert to promote their hits.. blah blah blah." Who? Forgive my utter ignorance, but I really thought that ABC, the US tv network, was in town to promote a new tv show. I'm not sure how I came to that. I mean, contrary to popular notion, I actually can read, but West Wing... Go West... GEDDIT? Our mind stretches common sense in times of desperation. Or low caffeine. Or something.
 
Anyway thank lord for Google. More specifically though, Wikipedia. Youtube would have been more helpful, but it strangely doesn't work in the office. After getting some basic stuff, I realized that they probably were quite big in the 80s... BUT I KNOW 80S SHIT SO WHY THE HELL HAVE I NOT HEARD OF THEM? I mean, I know Duran Duran, Tears for Fears, Human League, A Flock of Seagulls, Culture Club, etc... plus the stream of one-hit wonders galore. Even if I don't recognize the stuff, I've heard of the bands at least.

Oh my god, should I renounce my veneer of music snobbery to ascertain that I'm just like everyone else? Oh the horror! Anyway, I asked a colleague if she had heard of them. In her case, she had actually grown up in the 80s... instead of being say, unborn half the time. She was like OMG YOU'RE GONNA MEET THEM but couldn't believe that I didn't recognize their names. "TRUE," she laughed. True... wiki... number 1 hit... played in lots of tv show.. Veronica Mars is listed... wait, I should know this...


Oh my god, THIS??!! How have I lived all my life under the impression that this was by A-Ha??! It wasn't a very hard life, but I do feel like a veil has been lifted. Man, this is such an amazing song. Total power ballad that's sure to send anyone bawling. Inspired by this... I set out to do more research in order to correct my other 80s musical misinformation.

I was to learn that this, too, was not by A-Ha. Crazy.


Anyway, the other two bands did not disappoint either as their slew of hits were instantly recognizable, but sadly, not by Duran Duran like I had previously believed.

Go West

(I'm not a Jim/Pam shipper at all. I really like them as platonic friends especially since HELLO, RASHIDA JONES?! Jim, you are a fucking idiot. But this has the song, and it isn't super cringeworthy And for those of you who don't watch the US Office, you must! It's amazing)

(I actually don't know this one... but the video is hilarious!)


ABC



So yeah. Guess I really need to brush up my 80s general knowledge pronto. How you have failed me, "Vh1 I Love the 80s"! Anyway, as I mentioned earlier, they're performing here. Bunch of old geezers performing for... a bunch of old geezers. My parents want to go. Go figure. I told my dad that the pricey tickets didn't seem worth it, so he mentioned how Barbara Streisand tickets were going for 500 pounds in the UK. "They're both old," he said.

Okay, dad, wow. Ignoring the fact that she's kind of a fucking legend, as opposed to 80s has-beens attempting to relive the greatness of their couple of hits, never underestimate the power of the gay money. The woman's got the oh so coveted special place in the hearts of many a gay man... a place reserved specially for Cher and other divas I won't know anything about because I'm sadly not a gay man. Why? Because life is cruel. Essentially, concert-goes would pay thousands to catch a glimpse of her crazy ass beak because HONEY? SHE IS SO FAH-BU-LOUS!

Now that's a concert I wouldn't mind attending. Maybe I'll even get to drag my favorite gay hotel manager along with me. Sweet!